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Newlywed Money Issues

After the Honeymoon Lake Geneva WI

We have been lucky enough to share a common bond of frugality.  Even so, money issues can creep up fast.  A new dress for the wedding or borrow one from a friend?  Isn’t a new fishing pole a necessity?  I was presented with this article from fidelity that helps to put us newlyweds on the right track to hammering out any potential differences.  In the mean time we will be fighting about what to spend our saved change on from the past year.  My vote is a camera, I think Erica is down for that.  I have a friend that saved their change for a nice valentines day dinner every year.   Thought that was a good idea if you want to be all romantic and crap.

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Lesson Learned

Rosh’s Older Brother Natan Taking a Ride

We’ve learned many tricks for child rearing.  There are many children to practice with here in Uganda.  Here you realized the distinct beauty in the idea of taking a village to raise a child.  9 year olds carry 2 year olds in tow.  And everyone lends a helping hand without question.  Rosh our mild mannered little buddy of about three or four was no exception.  You could see him running, playing, working, and sleeping just about anywhere.  But it was the eating part that taught us one of our greatest future parenting lessons.  One evening rosh was sitting hanging with us and his dad, when he reached down into the reddish dirt below and dug up the tab to an old zipper.  His dad quickly taught him the english word, zipper.  Like any good student Rosh wanted to know more, so he proceeded to put it straight into his mouth.  What would any parent in the states do when their three year old had a rusty old zipper in their mouth?  Well to our pleasant surprise, Rosh’s dad quickly asked, Rosh how does that zipper taste?  Rosh with a smile and giggle slowly pulled it from his mouth like it was a tootsie pop.  Ugandan parenting lesson #47 a little dirt isn’t going to kill you.  Lesson Learned.

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Teaching Uganda’s Children

Our first days in Mbale Town were filled with many “meetings”.  Short term and long term dental goals, logistics, and schedules were discussed at length. As decisions were slowly made, we felt more than ready to hit the field running.  Be prepared, Africa! We know your pace is a lot slower than the States, but we will not give in. As soon as we could, we began our work by visiting Haddassah Primary School and implementing what would be only the first of our education and sealant programs. Through the gates of Hadassah, we found the Headmaster Aaron welcoming us with open arms, sharing his learning community. Small classrooms scattered the dusty field. Each separate brick structure had a tin roof and open air windows to house the grade levels.

Finally Oral Hygiene Education to Uganda

We were greeted with interest by smiling students, some in threadbare green and blue uniforms, and others in worn clothes from the past days activities.  In a large empty room, students of all ages were slowly gathered together.
And then, there we were.

Our first audience.
We had to peak their interest fast. What better way than starting with a science experiment? We used a disclosing tablet that turned the kids’ plaque pink. A perfect ice breaker since it catches them off-guard and evokes much laughter.  Devorah was our brave volunteer.  As the students observed her colored teeth, they were asked to look and make hypotheses. Soon the conversation turned to the brushing basics: small circles, at least two times a day, two minutes in the morning and night.  This was foreign knowledge to both the children and teachers, but both were quick to catch on. In all our classroom visits in the states, we’ve never seen such amazement over oral hygiene instructions.  The time flew by. We covered sugar laden foods that are dangerous to the teeth and healthy foods that keep the cavity bugs away.  Mango, sugar cane, and sweet potato seemed to be the children’s go to. Rice, millet, posho, and cassava were among the common staples eaten in a daily healthy diet. Throughout this time, while we spoke in our Chicago-accented English, the Headmaster translated into Ugandan-accented English. The program came to a close over a two day period. We were blessed to meet and teach over 200 students, each instructed to become mini teachers for the rest of the community. As time goes on, we are now confident oral hygiene will go viral in Uganda.

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Hugs, Mozungos, and Mbale

The meeting of the minds of Mbale’s Jewish ambassadors.  First impressions drew us in with the sincerity of the handshake.  It is not a wimpy, nice to meet you handshake.  We are talking about a genuine excitement, one reflected in a full body handshake leading to many lengthy hugs.  The magnetic energy led us to feel that if you did not let go we could be walking hand in hand around town all day.

Driving in Uganda from Kampala to Mbale
Breakfast was greeted with our first unexpected visitor.   Our fast friend Josef K, who we quickly dubbed ambassador to Uganda and the Abayudaya community.   Our server at breakfast noted that he was calling the guesthouse since 6 in the morning.  Why?  Because he wanted to ensure our safe arrival, and his hospitality proved above and beyond throughout our driving adventure.

Our journey began  through the busy streets of Kampala, dodging motorcycles packed three to four people high.  We smiled to each other, while Inhaling the fresh humid air with a mix of kicked up dust from the road beneath.  We realized a one thing traveling from the capital of Kampala to Mbale.  The people you meet pour out kavanah, an amazing vibe and zest for life.  Each one is more happy to see you than the next. Abayudaya truly welcome you to a new second home, with more than open arms.

After the hellos and hugs, it is now down to business.  The exciting part, helping to build a sustainable dental health program that goes beyond teeth and approaches physical health as a whole.   We hope to build more than a program with Dr. Samson of RAIN Uganda and the Abayudaya tribe.  Using our foundations of education, prevention, and treatment we will help create a guide to encompass and treat all health modalities in a comprehensive and life saving way.

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Karma’s a bitch…The Drano Test

I think it is more important to discuss life and the creation inside of me, than gender of the life, but…   Since the day I met Dan Elliot, he has boasted about only “making men”.  The proclamation of making males only continued.  Every friend that had a baby heard Dan’s boasts.  Flash forward 8 years, we are married and expecting our first child.    On a lovely Sunday afternoon, Dan’s absurd talk about spawning men drove my Uncle Jeff & a slew of family members to the Drano aisle.  Working at Children’s Memorial I had a little guilt about focusing on the gender of our bundle when in reality a healthy baby is all that should matter, but I too was ready to do a harmless test to silence this nonsense.

Brown= Boy. Green = Girl.

Glass cup, crystal Drano.  Plastic cup, fresh urine.  I poured the fresh sample into the crystals & set it outside for a 15 minute reaction.

Dan and the results

From the very beginning, it had a green hue.

My family was (for lack of better words) shit talking Dan like nobody’s business.  After the 15 minutes, there he was.  ALONE, out in the yard & staring angrily into the GREEN glass jar.  This was simply an “old wivestale” per Dan after much research finding the one site which didn’t support this test.  After his endless chatter, we again decided to disregard even the Drano results.

Three weeks later, we have our 20 week ultrasound.   Dan confident as ever, enters the room.  Ultrasound tech asks the question.  “Do you want to find out the sex?”.  Dan, unphased & half-listening, half- smartphoning answers “Yes”.  She begins to wave the wand on my stomach, with a thorough review of systems & stops at the crotch shot.  Both of us felt we saw testicles, but we were WRONG.  All we hear is, “Okay… it’s a girl!!!”

Dan thought I had put her up to it.  He wouldn’t believe her.  He had her check 3 separate times & is STILL holding on to hope that “she ” is really a “he”???  The  anticipation of this day was intense.  It felt like the night before a big exam.  I couldn’t sleep.  But, it’s still a crazy thought to have absolutely

no idea what this baby is inside of me.  It’s been flipping my life upside down with nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, weight gain, constant urination so it’s OBViously in there and growing away like a weed.  It will be a part of our lives forever, but yet at this moment we still had no identity for it.

I mean, we kept referring to it as “it”.  The most anxiety driven thought is that it’s sex is already determined, yet we have no idea  what it is.  It will be a permanent fixture in our lives and singlehandedly the most important part of our lives together.   After the sting of him being wrong wore off, he has been able to enjoy the fact that we have a little girl in the making.

We’ve only seen her for a total of 60 minutes via ultrasound, but she has already changed our lives and overall point of view for life.  It’s crazy how something so small brings about an unimaginable sense of love and protectiveness.

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After the honeymoon

Relationships are fun.  Apparently they take a lot of work.  We have found that there is so much information on how to plan for a wedding, pick out a dress, cater for hundreds, and registrations galore.  But what do you do when reality strikes.  We want to tackle  with you the seemingly nothing moments we must learn to deal with to have a successful relationship.  So for the newly dating, just married, young kids, and empty-nester this blog is about the nothing that goes into a successful marriage.  Really these questions have real answers and they will lead us to happiness and happily ever after.  Who gets to shower first?  Do I now have to use your brand of toilet paper?  I like to read and you go to bed early.

A great sage, our wedding photographer told us he could tell which couples were going to last.  He hasn’t seemed to get one wrong yet.  What is it in those couples that he could innately see that set them up for success?  Well lets find out together….

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Can we learn from Valentines Day?

Valentine’s Day as celebrated in most “young relationships” is about chocolate, Hallmark and gifts.  Taking a riskier approach to greater vulnerability can deepen the relationship with our lovers, and create much longer lasting and meaningful intimacy.

My wife and I have been together for over 40 years, and married 36.   So, we have spent quite a few Valentine Day’s together (every one consecutively).    This was one of the best and you would never guess why.  We were in open conflict.  Fully in relationship.   It was around the hurt feelings from the previous weekend.  One in which we spent celebrating my 60th birthday.   It was a joyous event for me, friends, family and community all around.  I had a lot of intention going into it and arranged a dinner get together with my children in the city on the actual birthday, Sabbath dinner with my son’s in-laws, synagogue celebration, lunch etc on Saturday, out with best friends on Saturday night and Sunday dinner at my parents.   All in all, most would agree, a full birthday plate.   Elaine really had started it off a full 3 weeks earlier at Canyon Ranch on vacation with a thoughtful arrangement of birthday dessert and 2 weeks after that in Florida with more celebration with my close friend and others.    Well, let’s say she kind of ran out of gas by Saturday night and on Sunday she had had it with this whole thing and while she was trying to be a good sport, clearly, enough was enough.    I read this and was less than gracious around how much she had already done and started “in on her” with some pointed jabs which escalated to downright insults of which I am not very proud.   Rather than responsibly expressing my hurt in the moment (or just acknowledging it to myself) and then moving on, the entitled prince in me decided I would be the one to decide when enough was enough and let her have it publicly.

This festered all night and on Valentine’s Day when we got up she was in full throated enmity.   I approached her with a gift I had gotten for her the previous day thinking this would be an adequate peace offering, but she would have none of it and essentially said it was not words or gifts she wanted but deeds of respect and responsible actions.  She finished by asking me to think about how I show her respect and by giving me a harsh judgment that I am a selfish man.   OUCH!    No buying her off, that’s for sure.    I was left to my day in some pain, but with a definite growth assignment to complete.

If you have gotten this far, you are probably wondering how this turned out.   Well, first I called a group member who would tell me the truth and not placate me.   He related his own selfishness in similar situations and rather than shame me, understood without taking sides.   Then I worked on how I created this mess and what was true for me about the level of my respect for my wife.    She gave me a legitimate challenge which was the best Valentine’s gift I could have asked for.  We rejoined each other at the end of the day after the cooling off period (important part) and I could listen better infuse some humor (also very important as long as it is not dismissive or condescending) and had a wonderful evening of being real and in love.     Not the infatuation, gaga kind, but the love of a shift in understanding, satisfaction and warmth.

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After the Honeymoon

[slideshow id=1]Relationships are fun.  Apparently they take a lot of work.  We have found that there is so much information on how to plan for a wedding, pick out a dress, cater for hundreds, and registrations galore.  But what do you do when reality strikes.  We want to tackle  with you the seemingly nothing moments we must learn to deal with to have a successful relationship.  So for the newly dating, just married, young kids, and empty-nester this blog is about the nothing that goes into a successful marriage.  Really these questions have real answers and they will lead us to happiness and happily ever after.  Who gets to shower first?  Do I now have to use your brand of toilet paper?  I like to read and you go to bed early.

A great sage, our wedding photographer told us he could tell which couples were going to last.  He hasn’t seemed to get one wrong yet.  What is it in those couples that he could innately see that set them up for success?  Well lets find out together….